Not impossible
by MarcoLover16
Summary: Remus and Tonks have so much to sort through. Tonks is ready and eager to jump into a relationship with Remus. Remus, however, is seriously reluctant. Can he be with her with his touch that tends to kill?


Author's Note: It's not Lily and James. Weird, right? I've never written this pairing before, but I've been thinking about this scene in my head for a while, and I don't know where it came from. I hope you like it. It takes place right before Harry is brought to the burrow before his sixth year.

Molly Weasley turned to her husband, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. This could _not _be happening again. Arthur shook his head with a sigh. He couldn't believe it either.

"Well, perhaps if you stopped bringing such things up," Remus lowered his voice, but it did nothing to stop the rest of the table from hearing, "we wouldn't have to—"

"Don't _give _me that!" Tonks interrupted, throwing her hands in the air, exasperated.

The night before Dumbledore was to collect Harry, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Remus, Tonks, and Kingsley decided to have an unofficial meeting to discuss things, considering they couldn't get all of the members of the Order of the Phoenix in the Burrow that very night.

Unfortunately, the conversations they needed to have before Harry arrived were continuously being interrupted by Remus and Tonks.

"This isn't important, Tonks," said Remus, rubbing his temples.

"Oh, I thought you considered the use of my surname ridiculously inappropriate," she said, unaware that the others wanted her to stop. "Suddenly, I give you permission to call me _Dora, _if you absolutely must, but then… You're insane!"

"_I'm _insane?" asked Remus incredulously. "This meeting isn't about us, _Tonks!" _

"Thank goodness!" said Molly. "I'm glad you know that, Remus."

However, Molly had nothing to be thankful for because it didn't seem, though he knew it wasn't about them, that he was going to stop arguing with her. It didn't even seem he'd heard Molly say a thing.

"You are really unbelievable," said Tonks. She didn't care how far she went if it made him respond. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that age doesn't matter?"

Remus, not missing a beat, immediately responded with, "Hasn't anyone ever told you to find out if the other person really does feel the same? Don't just make assumptions."

"Remus," said Tonks, trying to keep her voice even, "I am older than Harry. I know you think we're both the same age, but—"

"I never said you were sixteen," said Remus, "but you're not _that _much older."

Tonks and Remus had completely forgotten everyone in the room. "I'm not a child, Remus. Stop treating me like someone who can't take care of herself."

"We need to talk," she said, picking up her stuff. She then turned to Molly. "We're just going to go outside for a bit."

"Go—go!" she urged.

Secretly, they were all pleased to get rid of them at that moment.

Remus reluctantly followed the purple-haired girl out of the room, closing the door behind them. He glanced up the stairs, knowing that, right behind one of the bedroom doors, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were trying to hear every word (failing, of course) that was being said in the meeting room.

"Let's go outside," he said, gesturing toward the front door. Remus certainly didn't want them to hear about himself while trying to get information about Harry.

Tonks shrugged, and he opened the door for her.

The two decided to walk around the field around the house, mostly ignoring each other for a while. Now that they had every right to say whatever they wanted without anyone getting angry, they both found there was nothing to say anymore.

"I'm sorry I brought Sirius up," said Tonks.

Remus turned to her, surprised. "You're apologizing?"

Tonks saw that he was grinning slightly, and she nudged him playfully. "It's been known to happen on rare occasions like this one."

Remus nodded. "Sure," he said teasingly.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Listen, we've serious stuff to talk about. I know you feel the same, Remus. Tell me you do."

Remus didn't answer. "You're so young."

Tonks seemed to want to take back her apology. She gave a cry of frustration. "Why does that matter? Look at Bill and Fleur. They're not exactly a year or two apart, Remus."

Remus wasn't listening, though. He couldn't listen, for he didn't want to be persuaded into doing something that would hurt the both of them.

"Is it because I'm related to him? Is that it?" she asked, highly doubting that was the reason.

Remus shook his head. "There are just so many red flags, Tonks. There are so many things telling me not to, and I—"

Tonks, though clearly annoyed with the man she was talking to, managed to grin. "Are you not a marauder? Do you always do as the red flags warn?"

Remus laughed at this. "The marauders are no more," he said jokingly.

However, Tonks saw that a part of him was hurt by his own words. She touched his arm to stop him.

Tonks absentmindedly ran her hand through her hair, currently a long blonde streaked with blue. "Remus," she said, taking his hand in her own.

Remus raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to say something more.

"Say, 'Yes, Dora?'," she said.

Remus chuckled weakly, but he pulled his hand away. "Yes, Dora?"

"You know you don't have to be alone forever."

Remus slowly sat down on the lawn, patting the spot next to him for Tonks. She sat down gratefully, and she cautiously laid her head on his shoulder.

"There was a time," he began, "when I thought that was how it would be."

Tonks understood that this was an important story, one that he was telling her after holding it back from everyone else for so long, so she kept quiet while he came up with the appropriate way to explain it.

"After that night…"

Tonks knew immediately that he meant Halloween of 1981.

"…I lost everything—everything that I'd worked so hard to keep with me. I lost Peter. At the time, I thought he was dead, but it turned out I lost him in a different way. Sirius was sent to prison, and I desperately tried to hold onto my trust for him, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I knew I'd never see him again. Then, James and Lily were gone forever. No matter what happens, I know _that _part is true. And Harry had moved away. It was just me."

Tonks saw Remus' hand lying on his knee. She put her own hand over his, letting him know she was there. Surprisingly, he didn't take it away this time. He interlaced his fingers with hers, and then he went on with his story.

"I didn't show up for the impromptu funeral. I couldn't face all those people, no matter how much I wanted to be there for Lily and James. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone or anything anymore…so I left."

"For where?"

"A quiet, sheltered, muggle town. There, at least, no one knew me, and they certainly didn't know what I was," said Remus. "I still kept myself informed of the happenings in the Wizarding World, having the Daily Prophet delivered." He smiled slightly. "That's where I found out about the Wolfsbane, but that's a story for another day. I even saw myself in the paper quite a few times. There were all these stories—mostly lies—about myself when I was in school."

Tonks laughed. "I caught a few of those. My mum used to get The Daily Prophet, and she would always say how ridiculous those kinds of stories of you were. Of course, I don't remember much from before Sirius went to Azkaban."

"Do you remember nothing of me?" asked Remus curiously.

"I remember ten minutes of Lily and James' wedding," she said, smiling up at him warmly. "You know I'm not exactly the most…well…I'm quite clumsy."

Remus laughed loudly at that. "Now I remember you," said Remus. "You knocked over so much that Lily was practically shaking."

Tonks nodded. "I remember apologizing about fifty times, but she said it didn't matter, so long as I didn't kill myself."

"Yeah," said Remus. "That sounds like Lily."

Remus stared down at their joined hands for a moment. "You must think I was so immature, running off like that."

"Not at all," said Tonks, shocked that he would think that.

Remus went on as though she hadn't spoken. "I was so screwed up then. I couldn't come back until I could…treat people the way they should be treated, and in the state I was in, I hated everyone.

When Dumbledore needed a teacher, I jumped at the chance. After all, I was the only one who knew that Sirius had ways into the school. I had to protect Harry. So, I had to come out of my 'hole', so to speak. It was time to grow up, to get over what had happened, to move on, and to start acting like an adult."

Remus paused to take a deep breath. "And, as an adult, I tried to pretend like Sirius' death was okay for me, so that Harry would be able to handle it."

Tonks squeezed his hand sympathetically. The death of Sirius had hurt her, and she somewhat wished she had gotten to know him better before he died.

"And I thought," said Remus, his voice breaking, "that, after spending so many years without him, I would be fine."

"Remus," said Tonks softly.

"But it just sits there on my mind all day," he said. "Why—why did I have to get him back into my life just to lose him again?"

"Remus," she said again.

"I thought to myself, this must be my destiny. I'm obviously meant to be alone. Why else would I have been cursed with this…disease?"

"Umm…because that's what happened?" suggested Tonks. "It was something to do with your father, not you, Remus."

"Harry has a destiny, and apparently, so do I. If I'm meant to be alone, something will happen to you."

Tonks shook her head vigorously, standing up. "Don't be ridiculous!"

She looked at Remus carefully. He was only thirty-six, but he looked so much older than that. His sandy brown hair had ten times more gray hairs than when she had seen him last.

He had dark shadows under his eyes that showed how little sleep he had gotten, not only the night before, but for months, perhaps even years. He had more cuts and bruises than a soldier who had just returned from war.

And now, his terrible appearance was made worse by the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I do have feelings for you," said Remus softly, answering her question from before. Tonks felt as if they'd been out there for hours, but it had probably only been ten minutes or so.

She couldn't believe Remus was actually admitting it.

"And that's why I cannot let you do this."

"Do _what?" _she asked, realizing that Remus was, by far, the most unbelievable person she had ever met, and she had met many unbelievable ones, including the woman who named her Nymphadora. Enough said.

"Throw your life away!" he said, rubbing his weary eyes. "Everyone goes away…in the end."

Tonks knew Remus had been so strong for a long time, and he needed to let it out, which was the only reason she wasn't bashing his head in for having such thoughts.

"I promise," she said, "that if I die, I will believe that this is your destiny."

Remus glared at her, and she couldn't prevent her lips from twitching into a small smile.

"I don't find you amusing," he said.

"You do. You liiiike me," she said. "You like me a lot."

"I could marry your mother," he said. "I'm closer to _her _age."

Tonks wrinkled her nose distastefully. "Well, if there was a moment, Remus, you certainly ruined it with that comment."

"I'm making my point, though," he said. He decided to stand up with her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Remus shrugged. "Go ahead."

"If I die because of you, and I live my life completely avoiding your…umm…hands of death, what's the difference? Either way, you don't have me."

"The difference is you're safe," he said immediately, obviously having expected the question.

"Oh, really? So, if I'm not with you, I'm obviously safe from the hands of the Death Eaters, You-know-who, and anyone else in this world that might want to kill me? Merlin, Remus, you're right. Leaving you alone _is _the way to protect myself."

"Must you be so sarcastic?" asked Remus.

"Remus, even if avoiding you would keep me safe, I wouldn't want to do it. Remus, I wouldn't be _happy."_

Remus looked torn between emotions. "I make you happy?"

Tonks rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "No," she said.

"Enough with the sarcasm! I can't take it!" he exclaimed.

Then, suddenly, he laughed. Tonks had no idea where it had come from, but it was a real, true, happy laugh. She found herself smiling automatically. Every feature on him seemed to brighten, and he didn't look old and worn-out anymore.

He looked simply breathtaking.

When he calmed down, he said, "I don't know what's wrong with me. You make me lose my head."

Tonks nodded. "Know the feeling. It's called love."

Remus shook his head. "It is not. It's called insanity."

She shrugged. "Is there really any difference?"

Remus moved in closer to her, putting his arms around her waist. "I…I guess not."

Remus decided, right then and there, that it didn't matter if Tonks had blue hair one day, pink hair the next. It didn't matter if he didn't _know_ what color she even was naturally. It didn't matter if she liked to make herself look absolutely insane and silly, and it didn't matter if she really was crazy.

Even if Remus had no idea what she'd look like when he saw her in the morning, even if he couldn't recognize her without a closer look (on some long days), she was still the most beautiful person he'd laid eyes on, blue, brown, orange, green, pink, tall, short, scarred, un-scarred, normal, and even when she had those ridiculous noses on. She was still the same beautiful woman. No matter what.

Even if that was completely impossible.

Then again, if love could save a baby from the killing curse, was there really anything impossible when it came to love?

Before he could stop himself, he was kissing her. He tried to communicate with her how he felt, and how angry he was that he was feeling it. He pulled away quickly.

"I'm not dead yet, Remus," she said, trying to pull him back.

"No," he said. "No, I can't do this."

Tonks shook her head. "Leave."

"What?" he asked, stunned.

"You want to," she said. "I'm no persistent, determined, never-give-up _Gryffindor_, Remus. If you want to go, I'm letting you. I give up."

He merely stared at her.

"If that didn't convince you to stay with me, buh-bye."

Remus didn't move or say a word.

"Damnit, Remus! What do you want from me? Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg? I already told you, I won't stoop that low. I have pride, and yes, even a little dignity at times. This whole love thing is new for me too, but whatever.

"If you want to go, go. I was fine before you walked into my life, and I'll be fine if you walk out."

Remus kissed her cheek, and he was able to feel her new cold demeanor. "You really were a Slytherin?" he asked, trying to get some sort of a smile out of her. She seemed to be through smiling, however.

"Good-bye."

Remus sighed, and he left. Tonks watched him walk away, knowing that it would be harder than it seemed to give up.

She put on a fake smile, getting herself ready to tell Molly that she probably wouldn't be spending much time with them when Harry came, assuming Remus would want to see him.

Author's Note: Hmm, it's a one-shot. You all know what happens with them and everything, but if anyone does want me to, I can try to turn it into a story.


End file.
